TantricTeacherAtLarge

Saturday night at SEXPO.

It’s been a busy day, the talks were full, lots of questions, people steadily coming in the doors, the faces of people watching the DVD’s, the comments and questions, the noise from the strippers lounge sometimes overwhelming…

People come to ask questions from so many different places, as they come to the sexual journey for so many things.

Some come simply to learn a little more, a new technique, get some greater understanding about their bodies, their partner’s bodies. Some come to understand more of the connection between sex and spirit, the body and the hert, the possibiliies, the healing, the growth, the transcendance, higher states of consciousness.

Sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum.

It’s a refelection of what’s happening inside of us, in our relationships, lives and in our world. It’s linked to every aspect of our being, connected to every part of who we are.

So what comes out of today? Three things.

The first is how important it is to have a forum for open and non-judgemental discussion, a space to ask the questions, whatever they are, whatever they’re about, and get answers in a way that can be integrated into our lives. 

The second is how important a framework is, a philosophy of sex, a place to put our experiences and practices is. This gives an understanding and a way to explore and grow.

The third is, and guys you have to take this on the chin, you’re not doing what you should, what’s wanted from you, what your partner’s want and need.

Making sure she comes first is good, it’s definitely better than not being concerned with her pleasure, but it’s only the first step.

Understanding a little of what women want, how they are, how they differ from men is SO important.

Here’s a quick clue before I go back to talking about orgasms and G-spots.

Women work from the heart. Then eveyrhing else happens.

We’ll talk more about that. 

Friday night, 11 pm, SEXPO noise all around. The music blares, people…, the people.

The fascination, embarrassment, (mock) horror at the DVD’s continues.

I just watched people make really nasty comments about one of the models in the Yoni Masage DVD who does NOT shave or wax. Simple truth- there are many women in the world who do not. Not everybody falls into the media/porn ‘ideal’, and they’re still beautiful, and they still have as much pleasure!

So what’s pertinent tonight?

Well, one of the first things is the amount of pleasure we limit ourselves experiencing. The average orgasm, usual contractive orgasm that most people experience, lasts about 30 seconds for a man, longer,  but not much, for a woman.

That’s the tip od the mountain in terms of wht’s possible, of what’s available to us.

The next thing is how sad it is when one partner wants to learn more, come to a workshop, buy a DVD, even just find out more of what it’s about, increase the intimacy and pleasure, bring a new dimension to their relationship, and the other person walks away, says no, makes a brush-off comment. Whether it’s from fear, embarrassment, not wanting to put the effort in, and that’s a key thing, a relationship, a successful relationship, takes effort.

Yet so often, we think that once I’ve got you, I don’t have to do anything else, you’re there. And then one day, when you’e not, we wonder why. Or we look around and see others so connected, so happy, sharing so much pleasure, we wonder where our lives went.

Work is important, kids are important, golf, pottery, whatever it is. But what happens when you’re 80 yrs old and your nipples are down round your waist is determined by what you do now.

Buying toys, lubes, lingerie is fun.

Learning some relationship skills, learning to be a good lover, learning to communicate, to listen, to share is VITAL!

The show begins to wind down. 

Tomorrow is another day filled with possibility, to love, to live, to share, in this amazing world of pleasure.   

Here I sit at my stand watching the people at SEXPO. There are a lot of people here!

I love the age range, the ethnic diversity, the refelction of this wonderful country.

I’ve met people who have been on my mailing list for so long, talked to old friends, people who came to workshops 5 years ago…

I’ve done a talk on Expanded Orgasm, one on Female Ejaculation and a Sensual Masage Demo, I’ve been answering questions about so many aspects of sex, talking to so many people and it’s all so exciting that we can do this in a way tht makes it absolutely normal.

W’re showing the Yoni Masage DVD, beautiful, explicit and sacred.

Watching people watching the DVD is endlessly fascinating, the expressions on their faces. More than once it’s been suggested that we have a camera above the tv set linked to a screen a few stands away.

The expressions go from shock to amusement to horror to disbelief to gripping fascination that keeps people standing in the aisle for more than twenty minutes at a time, then come back ina while to stand here again.

One of the saddest things to see is young, and not so young, women who turn away with a look of disgust. This is your body, your beauty, your pleasure, your power, your connection to the source of life, the thevery essence of creation, to the absolute sheer force of womanhood, of the Goddess, the spark from which the universe was born.

I wish that all of you, even if it’s just once in your life, can experience the joy, the pleasure, the sacred gift of this Yoni Massage, given from the heart of someboy with all the love in the world coming through their hands, eyes that look at your beauty in worship and pleasure that literally takes you to another dimension of consciousness and awareness.

Amongst so much of the ‘lower energies’ here, that is my mission. As much pleasure, as much joy, as much intimacy and celebration as we can have!

And then more!

Come share it…  

A relaxed breakfast, an extra coffee at Giovanni’s and then time for the work to begin.

The stand is similar to what we did in Jo’burg, a few changes, everything done yesterday, off we go the the Conevention Centre. And immediately we know this is Cape Town. There is no mad rush of cars, trucks and bakkies unloading stuff, no people screaming for trolleys and porters. I know it’s smaller than Jo’burg, but eveythings peaceful, shoo wah, it’s wonderful. We get to the stand, we being myself and My Administrator, Designer. She’s the boss today. We find a corner stand, two walls instead of three, hmmm, immediately have to start changing things. We get to work. 

The drapes go up, the frame, the posters, info, pics, all the stuff coming together, looks fantastic.

The atmosphere in the hall is chilled, relaxed, say hi to a few people I know, look at some of the stands.

The TV set is delivered, have the Yoni Massage DVD playing for the show, it’s big, which is fantastic. It certainly attracts a lot of attention.

We’re finished just after 3, intense work, the stand looks great, need a to get a few things when we leave, but

WE’RE READY FOR SEXPO!!!

Well Tantric Teacher is At Large in Cape Town getting ready for SEXPO.

Tomorrow the set-up begins, it’s amazing to watch a bare hall in the Convention Centre begin to come to (sexual) life as the stands are furnished in preparation for the exciting madness.

I’m going to try to share a daily post of the show, if you’re coming, and if not why not?, please come and say hi, my stand is Sensual Tantra.

There is agreat urban myth about oral and tongue dexterity being proven by being able to tie a knot in a cherry stem with your tongue.

Well, last night I had a drink with a cherry in it, thought I’d try it, played with it for a while  and guess what?

I tied a knot in the cherry stem.

Which says…

A little more seriously, oral sex is such an art, a gift of such deep pleasure to give your lover that it’s an act of sacred worship. It allows not only the giver, but also the reiver, and this is the key, to relish, savour and get lost in the absolute beauty of the yoni and lingam.

The key is in the joy of giving. The more you enjoy, the more your partner does. It’s a time of deep sensuality where you can get lose yourself in the taste, the fragrance, the sensation of their body. Your mouth and lisp are so sensitive, the feeling for you can be so powerful, so amazing.

It’s worthwhile spending some time learning some techniques of this art.

It’s drizzling and rainy today in Jo’burg, sensual waether in it’s own way. Very sensual in fact. The chill in the air, the wet, the mist is really beautiful, the feeling of it is intense, very present, heightened awareness.

That’s the key, awareness, conscious.

I wish people ‘have a sensual day’, as I stepped outside this morning I realised something, a moment of awareness.

Every day is sensual, every moment is sensual, everything we eat, drink, feel, touch, taste, smell, see, experience, hear… it’s all sensual.

The question is how conscious are we, how aware of the moment are we?

We are sensual beings from the moment we’re born, and we take this body, its beauty, its possibility for granted, just by not being aware.

Consciousness is in a moment, it’s the pause as we taste, see, hear, smell, feel… 

Taht’s it, just a moment, a breath, eyes close in appreciation, and we feel. FEEL. The moment of conscious sensuality makes us feel, there’s an emotion. The heart is involved.

And we smile in the rain…   

CAPE TOWN

WORKSHOPS

WED 1^ST DEC: EXPANDED ORGASM

In a fun evening you can learn the secrets of this amazing technique that allows a woman to be in an orgasmic state for over an hour and offers men 5 incredible experiences.

This is for singles and couples.

Time: 7:15 pm

Cost: R300/person, includes the Expanded Orgasm E-book

THURS 2^ND DEC: INTRODUCTION TO TANTRA

Tantra  offers the fullness of possibilities of sexuality and sensuality, everything you thought possible.

We begin exploring the principles of Tantra, what it really is, what Tantric sex is all about, then move gently into some of the practical exercises of this beautiful journey.

This is for singles and couples.

Time: 7:15 pm

Cost: R300/person

SAT  4^TH DEC: TANTRIC SENSUAL MASSAGE

An amazing practical day for couples. The workshop includes: The principles of Sensual Touch, Energy Connection, Heart Touch, Bliss Body Massage, Building the Sexual Fire, Full-body Sensual Massage, Yoni/Lingam Massage and much more…

Time: 10:00 am, lunch included

Cost: R1800/couple.

Hi, I’m doing a very low key Sensual Massage Demo each day at SEXPO in Cape Town, 25- 28 Nov. I’m looking for a female model. You’re lying on a table on an elevated platform, your back visible, face doesn’t have to be seen.
If you’re interested, please contact me, 083 7435 129.

It’s so simple!

Our sexuality and sensuality are a celebration of our aliveness.

They are an expression of our fun and our play.

They hold the key to our essence, to our life force, to the energy of creation.

This is sacred.

Wildly sacred. With pulsating erotic abandon it flows through us, if we will allow it.

The depth of our surrender is the height it will carry us to.

The depth of our surrender is the limit of freedom we will allow.

The depth of our surrender is the intensity of sensation, of emotion we will feel.

This is what connects us, body, heart and spirit within.

And connects us to the heartbeat of life, to the pulse of the universe, to the God, the Goddess, the Source.

This is the reflection of the holy flame inside of us. And as we allow it to burn, the beauty of that within is seen without.

In its heat, in its touch, in its pleasure, in its passion is the truth of who we are.

Beautiful, brave, strong, powerful, connected, centered.

It is flow, growth, healing, transformation.

It is Tantra.

Orgasms are wonderful. I’d be the last person to deny that, having spent a large part of my adult life immersed in exploring, learning and teaching about pleasure. Often the focus of this has been orgasms. How to have one, or more, for those who struggle, for others it’s how to have bigger, better, more…

So many of the articles in the media are about orgasm, different types of orgasm, positions to have orgasms etc.

To detour for a moment seeing we’re talking about orgasms, women can have 4 types of vaginal orgasm, clitoral, G-spot, Deep Uterine and Blended Orgasms, mmm.

But there’s more.

When sex is only about orgasm, about reaching the goal, we have a problem. A few problems to be exact.

The biggest of these being that it becomes a performance. And as soon as we have to perform, there’s pressure.

Our egos as givers and receivers are on the line.

I have to make you come or something’s wrong with me, you have to come or something’s wrong with you.

Then we put the success or failure of a sexual experience onto those few seconds, the average clitoral orgasm for a woman lasts about 30 -40 seconds, slightly less for a man, onto those moments.

If it doesn’t happen we failed.

The judgement we put on the experience is so small, so limited and often the pressure so great that we forget the original goal, PLEASURE.

If it’s all about that goal, that’s what we focus on, often to the exclusion of everything else. The everything else includes the rest of the body, not just the genitals; it includes sensuality, communication, touching, caressing, intimacy, love and so many other things.

It becomes a journey, not a destination and the old saying, the journey is the destination, becomes so true.

Unfortunately we’re struggling against so many forces. Everything in life has become based on performance, on goals, on time management. If you can’t come in the whatever time we’ve allotted for this, well, sorry babe, my emails/facebook/soccer/whatever’s calling.

Once again I’ll say that orgasms are fantastic. But there’s more.

There’s the wonder of exploring someone’s body, of learning about their secret places, of waking new places up, of delicious sensation, of luxuriating in a caress, of getting lost in a bubble of intimacy, of simply being.

Orgasm as verb instead if noun, orgasm as a state of being.

Not having an orgasm, but being orgasmic, being pleasure. Being there. Because when we’re focussing on the goal, we’re doing what we have to do to get there. We’re not in the moment.

Then comes the sometimes minefield of technique, how to get there. Well, we know or we don’t. And if we don’t then more times than not there’s something wrong with you, not with what I’m doing. Nobody else ever complained, nobody else ever had this problem. Right!

A while ago I received a phone call from a guy who said that not one or even two women, but three, had told him he knows nothing about women’s bodies. Do you think he came to learn? We do the same thing over and over often because it’s what we know, regardless of whether it works or not.

Another big problem with sex always ending a particular way is conditioning. We’re so used to it, to having orgasms, beside everything else it’s become a habit. We feel something’s missing. But that changes fast when we’re willing to explore other possibilities. The first time most men have an orgasm and don’t ejaculate they walk around with this amazing smile for hours, sometimes days. Something new and something wow.

Remember the goal, the original goal, pleasure.