You are browsing the archive for 2010 December.

A WISH

December 31, 2010 in Uncategorized

Two pieces that really touched me, also a wish for the coming year.

SACRED FIRE

 

Let it burn us

This sacred fire

Let it burn away our flesh

For our bodies have served their purpose

In that alchemical ritual of primal fluid

The fire was laid

And at the explosion of passionate pleasure

The flame was kindled

And it grew

Rising heat

The myriad hues of holy fire

That frees our soul from its earthly casing

And shows us in an eternal moment

A truth

Beautiful and terrible

For as the fire lowers its consuming flame

We become form once more

Suffused with the glow of a fire that never dies

For as passion breathes its ecstatic essence onto the waiting coals

They rise anew

In their endless quest for union.

 

JUST ONCE

 

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can look into the eyes of her lover

And see his very soul

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can look into the eyes of her lover

And lay bare the depth of her desire

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can feel safe

To speak the truth of her heart

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can feel a touch so true

She knows it’s love

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can experience the pleasure

She knows is in her body

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can allow the tigress within

To roar the might of her passion

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can be so pleasured

She knows it’s an act of worship

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can feel

The beauty she is

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can know the source of her being

Is the Goddess

Just once

I wish that every woman

Can believe

She is the Goddess incarnate.

A FEW SHORT PIECES

December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

THE SECRET SELF

 

The secret self waits for the secret time

To reveal itself

To be released

The let slip from the constraints of the day

To be freed from convention and duty

To step into the waters of passion

To remove the mask of sensibility

And don the costume of desire

That allows entry into the secret places

That reveal the truth.

YONI

 

Yoni, passion flower of the goddess

Her petals slowly thicken with passion

Unfurl to reveal her delicate secrets

Mystery connected to the source of life

Succulent flesh of changing hue

That reflects the dawn of time

Glistening desire

Drawn from the depth of the cosmic ocean

Beauty eternal.

VELVET FRUIT

 

Velvet fruit of the night

Darkening dusky pink

Swelling pleasure bud

Juice welling from secret depths

To bathe my tongue in mystery

Oyster flesh I devour

Goddess cunt

The altar at which I worship.

SSS…

 

Soft slow sensual strokes

Smooth skin

Sliding sighing

Silky sex shining

Spreading sucking

Slippery

LOOKING

 

I’m looking

And you know I’m looking

You can feel my eyes

Feel what’s coming through eyes

Me desire, my appreciation, my longing to touch, to smell, to taste, to feel

You

Beauty in a moment

Sexy in a moment

Sensual in a moment

Powerful in a moment.

EROTIC WRITING

December 28, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve had an ongoing problem replying to comments and messages, I SO appreciate them, thank you.

Erotic writing has been an important part of my life for so long. It’s an expression of something much bigger that I’ve called the Erotic Spirit. This is inside everyone of us, often suppressed for so many reasons, more so in women than men.

getting in touch with it, experiencing it, expressing it, allowing it to swirl through you, in you, around you, move into your world brings you so much, gets you in touch with so many aspects of yourself.

It’s often purely internal, just for you, about you.

It allows you to explore an inner world that is rich in sensuality, in imagination, infantasy, in reality.

It frees you by acknowledging the things that are a part of you.

It allows to you to go places that you may never in reality.

It awakens such power and desire.

It allows you creative expression in so many ways, words just being one of them.

I developed a workshop called Awakening the Erotic Spirit where we explore different aspects of this amazing journey. It’s a fascinating evening/afternoon, that touches so many aspects of people. Interestingly it’s a workshop that attracts more women than men.

At the end of the workshop the whole group writes a piece. I start it with two line, then pass it to the next person who doesn’t see what I’ve written and so on.

What is amazing is that absolutely every time we do it, every time, it seems as if one person wrote the piece or the same theme flows through it. It always surprises the participants.

For me, the writing is an expression of the beauty of women, of sex, of love, of bodies, of passion, of experience, of fantasy.

The pieces I write are often for a lover.

Sometimes they’re exploring or expressing an idea, a moment, a look, someting I see or feel.

They’re all inspired, come from somewhere deep inside, can’t be forced. Often I’ll have an idea, start writing it and it goes somewhere totally different, ends up in a place I never thought of before.

Sometimes an idea, a phrase, goes round and round for days or longer in my mind, then comes out. Sometimes it’s a quick expression of …

It’s very rare that I change anything once I’ve written the piece.

I write a lot on my phone lately, ( I love erotic sms and phone play), then go back to paper.

I’m fascinated by the mixture of what I call the ‘sacred and the profane’, the base and the sacred, how words in a different context become beautiful.

YOUR BODY IS MY TEMPLE

December 27, 2010 in Uncategorized

Your body is my temple

Where I come to worship

I step into this sacred space

To greet the goddess Divine

I anoint your holy mouth

With my kisses

As I receive the blessing of your lips

You breathe the breathe the of Spirit into the air

And all around me shimmers

As the light of Love glows in your eyes

My hands reach out to meet yours

In a moment of stillness we touch

As our breath melts us into each other

I look at your naked glory

And have no words for such beauty

I allow my beating heart

And tears of awe to speak for me

And I know that for all time

I shall delight in discovering

In exploring with my caress

All of you

 

Your proud-nippled breasts

Soft skinned orbs

I hold with reverence

Drawing my fingers to your stiffening peaks

The celestial music of my blood

Pounding my ears

At the flush of excitement reddening your chest

Heavily hooded eyes

As I slide down your golden belly

To gaze at your mound

Your lips

My breath catches in my throat

As I bring my mouth to worship

My tongue reaches for the folds of your secret flesh

Sacred pussy of a goddess

The essence of woman

Your pleasure bud that lights the flame of desire

Reaching through you

To my cock wand

You lift me to my feet

As we walk to the flowered altar bed

You welcome me into your body

And my soul knows its home

In your eyes

In your mouth

In your warmth

In your opening wetness

In the eternal love of your heart

As we join together

In our holy fuck

And as we ride the rising waves of passion

You open yet more

And in the fire of our coming

We are melted into one

Pulsating being of pleasure

We lose our form

We go beyond our body

We become light

We become scared celebration

In the sanctuary of love.

FEAR

December 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

One of the biggest factors that prevent people exploring, expanding, healing and extending their sexuality is a little four letter word that begins with ‘F’, Fear.

(There are a lot of four letter words that begin with ‘f’ related to sex. Another is Feel. This is related to fear, as in fear of feelings, what  experiencing feelings make me do, which is be vulnerable, or feel vulnerable. Because if I feel vulnerable, I could get hurt. Well, here’s a newsflash: the feelings are not filtered through a semi-permeable membrane that lets in the ‘good’ and keeps the ‘bad’ out.

When you sign on for feelings, you sign on for all of them. That’s one of the beautiful things about being human. To go even further, we couldn’t experience the ‘good’ without the ‘bad’, because we’d have no idea what they were.)

 

For many people, maybe more women than men, the fear of rocking the boat is huge. We get so desperate for him to stay, for the relationship to last, to ‘work’, (which it absolutely cannot in the presence of this fear.)

When we say that we’re not sexually fulfilled and need more, we’re telling our partner that they’re not good enough. Which has the fear of damaging their ego, fragile in men when it comes to sexual prowess, and the fear of hurting them. To say nothing of the fear that they may leave.

Let’s go back a step; are we really saying that they’re not good enough?

Nope, well, maybe, in some circumstances. Like most of life, it’s not quite black and white. If we don’t know exactly what we want, if we don’t know how to say it, if we don’t have open sexual communication, if our partner’s can’t read our minds, if nobody ever taught them a few things…then it’s not all about them. Yes it hit a deep level of insecurity; it brings all the nasty noonoos to the surface. Big time. But it may be more about circumstances than fault.

 

The ego fear may affect men more than women. This is about sexual skill, body image, body size, knowing what to do, how to do etc.

Simply because we’ve certain equipment, we’re supposed to be superman. Time for another newsflash: it just isn’t so.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, good lovers are made, not born. And a real man is willing to listen, learn, grow and change.

 

Then there’s the fear of what we may find in ourselves when we go looking. What we’re going to wake up, what we’re going to discover. And what we do with it once we’ve found it. What the impact is going to be on our lives and relationships is a deep fear.

 

Many of these fears are linked to acceptance, by a partner or a community. What beast we may awaken, what fires we may stir may be beyond the boundaries of ‘acceptable’ in many communities.

And so we open an internal and external conflict. There comes a struggle between what we’ve been conditioned to and what we find within ourselves and out in the world.

 

In many situations there’s the fear of communication. How do I tell him or her? Then what do we do, where do we go from here, how do we deal with it all?

And if we don’t want to hurt him or her, who do we hurt? Only ourselves.

 

There are so many other fears associated with sexuality and relationships, books worth. They’re complex, they’re deep and they’re scary. I’ve touched on the surface of a few of the biggies here, hopefully with a touch of levity. But these are fears that I see on a regular basis.

 

The good news is that there are solutions and possibilities. Some of them may not be easy. Some of them bring up more fears. Some of them require great effort and change.

But there are very positive possibilities.

 

I would offer four things to consider.

 

The first is yourself. At what point do you stop giving your happiness away, your fulfilment and self-expression. At what point does your happiness become of prime importance?

 

The second is a question. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

 

The third is this: focus on the goal, the bigger picture. If you want to be happy, if you want the relationship to work, if that’s the most important thing, then I or we can do what we have to.

 

The fourth is an old Chinese saying; A thousand mile journey begins with one step…   

A TANTRIC FANTASY EXPERIENCE

December 22, 2010 in Uncategorized

Here’s an experience that toook place at a fantasy club.

It was a woman’s fantasy, her husband arranged for her as a gift.

She was lying on a bed, her hands were tied into straps that were there at shoulder height, she had a blindfold on. All around the bed people were kneeling, men and women, must have been 6 or 8 people.

They started stroking her gently, slowly. There was a feeling of incredible respect towards her, aware of her beauty, her vulnerability and the sacred time together.

As she relaxed and the energy in her body began to flow the touching became more sexual, building the fire in her body. The fact that she was blindfolded magnified the sensations.

As the pleasure built and expanded through her body she moved into an orgasmic rush of incredible power. It went on and on, taking her from one orgasm to the next, eaxh one taking her to a place of deeper and higher pleasure.  

Slowly the hands slowed their stroking, bringing her down, gentling her from the peak.

The hands withdrew from her body, her husband took the blindfold off and held her, they must have lain there for at least three hours together, hardly said a word to each other, in the sensation, in the feeling, in each other.

One of the things that the principles of Tantra gives is the possibility and opportunity to experience, express and explore all of who we are.

There are so many aspects to our sexual and sensual being. As there are to all of our lives.

We can only go into these with awareness, with consciousness, without judgment, to expand, heal, lear, grow, see more of ourselves, of each other, stretch the boundaries of our lives, become freer etc.

What this gives, as this experience shows, is safety. This is one of the most important concepts in the sexual and sensual journey.

This allows us to go places beyond our inhibitions, to expand into more of the beauty we are.

MORE ON SWINGING

December 20, 2010 in Uncategorized

Well we’ve opened an interesting door here with the Swinging and Swapping post.

It’s a world that holds much fascination and possibility, potential and problem.

Let’s put exploring in this world in a Tantric context.

Over the years many people have come and asked me for advice before stepping over the edge to explore something in this particular lifestyle. My first questions is why?

When people say they’re bored, particularly with each other, I tell them that that’s one of the worst reasons. If all you’re looking for is some excitement in a relationship that’s not fulfilling, you’re generally asking for trouble. Because, more than anything else, you’re looking for something outside your relationship to make it ‘better’. Nothing outside can do this.

If you can’t find the excitment with each other, there’s a big problem.

You do something that creates or brings some excitement.

It’s exciting for a while, let’s say six weeks. Then you do it again.

It’s not quite as exciting, or it doesn’t last as long.

Then what?

You need to push the boundaries even further, and where does that end?

And it’s still about something external.

Nothing’s really changed.

Now let’s look at it differently.

The defining principle of Tantra is consciousness, awareness.

You know what you’re doing and why, there’s a purpose.

Then we add the idea of non-judgment.

Non-juggement, nothing forbidden nothing taboo does not mean a free-for-all.

There’s no awareness in that. There’s no purpose, thrill and excitement for the sake of it.

Then it’s about excess.

But if we bring awareness, if we look at what an experience will awaken within me, what will it heal, release, show you of me, me of you, what will it bring to the surface, what will it do for our relationship…

That allows for soemthing different, something that allows us to grow, something that opens doors of creation instead of destruction, as so often happens.Then we can create experiences and moments that enhance who we are, add to ourselves and our relationships, we’re bringing more of ourselves, giving and receiving, sharing more.

Beyond that, without that, it’s just sex.

For many people, that’s enough.

But the power is in connection. Without that the body underneath you, on top of you, could be anybody and it wouldn’t make much difference.

I’d also suggest that most people, couples, and I’m speaking purely from experience here, venturing into this world don’t have sufficient preparation in terms of possibilities and communication.

SWINGING AND SWAPPING

December 17, 2010 in Uncategorized

The minefield of excitement and forbidden fruit, the fantasy, the scary first steps…

For a long time I’ve thought about writing something about this fascinating and scary topic and sharing some thoughts and experiences, the problems and possibilities.

This can be a heavy topic so please keep a sense of humour when you read this.

 

A good starting point is Who does this? The answer in terms of age, career, political views, health status…pick a demographic category…it’s across the board. Thin people, fat people, old and young, the beautiful and the plain, the people sitting next you in the coffee shop, your neighbour, your doctor…

 

Why? Well, there are many answers to that question, and as many as there are, they don’t begin to cover the full spectrum of human behaviour. I don’t know that I’d even begin to try to answer it in any way that could do justice to the question. The answers are on so many levels, physical, psychological, philosophical, and deeply personal. As I write more of this we’ll look at some of the reasons, but the truth is deep and wide and mysterious. Words and phrases such as variety, excitement, naughty, taboo, fulfilling aspects of sexuality that your partner can’t, exploring, difference between sex and love, freedom etc all fit. Most of these need some in depth discussion to do them justice.

 

Where did this all begin? People have probably been doing this in various ways since the dawn of time.

 

Ok, let’s get personal here, where this began for me. Like so many people I’d fantasised about swinging for a while. I was in my early 20’s, really wanted to try this. I don’t remember clearly how I met the couple that I had my first experience with, they were average people, older than I was, we met, shared  a bottle of wine, talked about all sorts of things and I went home. A few weeks later they called and asked if I’d like to share their bed. I was both excited and terrified. At their house we sat in the lounge chatting, then she went into the bedroom, a few minutes later he and I joined her. It was nerve-wracking in that I didn’t know how it all worked, but they were very experienced, led me through a great time. Since then, well, we’ll leave that for another day.

My involvement in this fascinating world, plus the work that I do, the time I’ve spent in various clubs, with people involved in this lifestyle, people wishing to get involved has been fascinating, challenging and enlightening.

 

What does it involve? This is where we need to say goodbye to the word ‘swinging’. It has too many unexplained connotations to do justice to the range of possibilities and experiences open to those who step over the threshold into this ‘parallel universe’.

It doesn’t always, for some people never, involve sex with others. A friend recently quoted the French word for someone in this lifestyle, I like it, thanks R. He said, ‘I am a libertine’.

 

For some people it’s simply being in a sexually charged atmosphere. Not necessarily even watching the sex, just being there is enough.

One of the most fascinating about the clubs that are well run, and by that I mean where women are respected, where women rule, is that they are the safest place for a woman to be. There are no drunken men coming on to you, nobody pestering you. You’re approached respectfully, even just asked to dance, if you say no, you’re left alone. It’s amazing to think that as a single woman you can go somewhere, dance naked if you choose, and be left alone.

So different to the ‘straight’ clubs my 17 yr old daughter goes to and is bombarded by drunken guys with overblown egos, some of them my age. Slight detour there, one of my soapboxes.

So for some people it’s just being in the environment.

For others it’s being there and watching. We all have a voyeuristic streak, how much of it we acknowledge is a different story, but it’s there. So some people just watch, never touch.

On the other side of the coin are people who like to be watched, they never touch anybody else, just enjoy being watched.

Going a little deeper, for some it’s the excitement of being in a room with other people having sex, you’re there with your partner; nobody’s touching you except your partner. You have a room of bodies, sounds, sights, smells, a super charged atmosphere… but you’re ‘alone’.

All of these activities are called ‘soft’.

Then there’s getting a little more involved, touching others, kissing, stroking, and anything short of penetration.

And then… sex with others, one other, more, whatever your fantasy…

 

All this works only if there is respect. Firstly of boundaries between the couple, which requires a great deal of discussion. This is necessary to create the safety to even think about setting foot in this environment.

Many people come and talk to me about exploring this world. The first thing I tell them about is communication. Why do they want to do this, where is he, where is she, what fantasy would they like to explore, to what degree, how do they respect each other’s limitations and boundaries, what are their fears, how do they deal with them? It can be a minefield if you don’t have some guidance and do a lot of talking first.

 

Is this limited to couples? Not at all. Many people look for single playmates of both sexes, as many people of both sexes look for couples, and other singles to play with.

 

Exploring with people of the same sex? This is one of the more common reasons for people to become involved, more so women than men. Many women would love to experience something sensual or sexual with another woman and this environment allows for that. Once again, to whatever degree the participants feel comfortable. Men with men? This is still one of the biggest taboos in our society, but more men are crossing the boundaries.

Labels become important here. If I have sex with another woman/man does that mean I’m gay, bi, what? How about you’re human sharing something that may be beautiful with another human?

 

Fulfilling needs? There are people whose sexual needs may not be met in their relationship, who may have very different sex drives to that of their partner. This is way to meet those needs, to be satisfied in way that’s open and honest.

This is one of the most important aspects of this world.

The figures of people having affairs is rising, men and women. This is obviously potentially destructive to relationships. I’m not saying that shared sex doesn’t have a destructive element, because it certainly can, but if there is openness the situation becomes very different.

 

Fantasy? A huge part of our lives, those of us who are sexually aware. This gives us so many opportunities to explore and fulfil these fantasies, to touch parts of ourselves in ways that very little else can. Once again, these can take place on many levels, from watching, being watched, an environment which allows us to dress in certain ways, behave in ways that we simply cannot elsewhere, with safety.

 

Another important word: safety. Here’s something that I’ve learned over the years. If we feel safe, and that’s more an internal emotional state than anything else, we’ll happily explore anything, within our own boundaries. The people, our partner’s, the environment makes it safe for us. You can’t push somebody into a space they’re not comfortable with and expect them to feel safe. It’ll blow up in your face in a big way!

 

Love and sex? They’re not the same, when we confuse them we run into problems. Here’s an interesting idea: we have different people that fulfil different needs in our lives, people that we share different hobbies, pastimes, sports, activities etc with. We know this, accept and seek it out. Yet we expect one person to fulfil all of our emotional and sexual needs, some of the deepest most complex aspects of our self. To quote an old TV ad, ‘Makes you think, doesn’t it’?

 

This is a vast topic with so many different angles that require some deep discussion to understand.

I make no judgement on anybody’s lifestyle, as long as there is honouring, respect and openness and ask the same of you.

I’m not entirely convinced that we’re monogamous by nature, however I also believe that the peak experiences, the amazing Tantric space that I’ve been to, can only be experienced in a space of deep connection and love, trust and intimacy. You’re not going to have that with just anybody.

Once again I’ll say that this can be a minefield, even discussing some of the issues involved, never mind dipping your toe in the water.

 

Please let me know what you think, share your experiences.

FORGIVENESS

December 14, 2010 in Uncategorized

The greatest aspect of love is forgiveness.

It is the simplest expression of humanity.

It is the most divine expression of humanity.

Forgiveness is absolutely is absolutely present, it transcends time.

It is ultimate innocence, and in that is sacred.

Forgiveness raises us to a place of holiness.

Forgiveness is a moment of absolute vulnerability, absolute strength.

It reveals you, lays you bare with your heart exposed.

This is a moment that connects you, your physical being on this earthly plane, to your soul.

You forgive for yourself, a gift of the highest you are.

This is love.

This is Tantra.

ASPECTS OF TANTRA

December 10, 2010 in Uncategorized

A while ago I told a story of  an incident from a Sensual Massage Workshop from a few years back.

There were 8 people there that evening, two couples, two women who came together and two men. The men were pretty macho type guys, both big, physical. They were there to learn, probably also for whatever possibilities may develop with anyone else there.

I talked about the massage, energy, all the things that make up the first part of the workshop.

Then it was time for massage.

The only way these guys were going to have or give any massage was with each other.

Now it’s getting interesting.

They agree.

The lights are down, I’m sure there was a fire in the fireplace.

Everybody’s really getting into it.

Then from the corner where these guys were I hear this exclamation that I’ve never forgotten; ‘Fuck, if that’s how you touch I’m not surprised you never get any women’.

Everybody laughs, you couldn’t not.

 

This story powerfully illustrates 2 aspects of Tantra.

 

These guys learned more about themselves that night than almost any other time in their lives.

And it never would have happened if they were sharing the experience with women.

There are very few women who would have told them that, in that way.

And there is no way that they would have heard, really heard, what was being said, if it came from a woman.

 

The first thing this connects to is the principle of non-judgment.

Nothing is taboo, nothing is forbidden.

Everything has the possibility of teaching us something about ourselves, about each other, about the relationship.

We generally put sex in the boxes of right or wrong, good or bad.

If we look at what an experience may teach us, awaken within us, heal, release, what aspect of ourselves it may get us in touch with, what it may create, show us of ourselves or each other, we can transcend the judgments that most of us live with about our sexuality and the possibility of experiences.

 

Stepping on the Tantric path you are confronted by the word Freedom.

To experience more of this requires, nay demands, that you go beyond certain boundaries and limitations. That you walk untrodden paths, go off the map to create your own chart of life.

Opening to new experiences opens new places within us.

The experiences change us.

We grow.

We expand, we see more, feel more, become more, are more.

There is more of us to share, more to give, more to receive.

More pleasure, more fun, more joy, more celebration…   

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