This is the first in a series of articles exploring aspects of sexual bodywork.
Why is bodywork so important in sexual healing and growth?
When we’re looking at sexual problems we have to include the body. You can talk about some issues for ever. Some things may change. But often not enough to make the difference we’d like.
Because the issues are body issues.
And when we look with consciousness at the issues, we look holistically.
And nothing expresses the issues and problems like the body.
The body is the mirror reflecting what’s happening inside and also the doorway in to make the changes, to heal, to release.
The body is the interface where every aspect of our being meets and becomes manifest.
We identify with our body more than anything else, it’s the most definite expression of who we are.
The body holds the truth.
The truth is in feelings, not thoughts.
As much as your mind is your best friend it’s also your worst enemy.
Your mind can convince you of anything, make anything ok, explain anything, find or create a reason for anything, rationalize anything.
But the feeling are real.
Every emotion has a physical manifestation.
When you’re anxious or nervous, you feel it in your stomach.
When you feel love, you can say exactly where you feel it. The same with fear, anger, joy, arousal…
Here’s how I understand the body.
We are a system of energy.
All energy has a frequency.
Energy needs to move, to flow.
Every sound, every colour has a frequency.
Every organ in the body has a range of optimal functioning, above or below that is unhealthy.
Every emotion has a frequency.
Everything that happens to us has an emotional and energetic impact on us, the beliefs we hold, the experiences of life, what we think etc.
Energy needs to flow.
When it’s not flowing we have a problem.
There’s a beautiful Taoist concept, the way of the watercourse.
When the water flows everything in the system and what it’s connected to, works.
When it gets blocked it becomes full of pollution and dirt. The system doesn’t work anymore.
So it is with energy in our bodies.
The negative beliefs, limitations, inhibitions, fears, insecurities, anxieties, comparisons, judgments and bad experiences we have cause the energy to become sluggish, to stop flowing.
And the manifestation is this are the problems and issues that prevent us experiencing and enjoying the fullness of love and pleasure.
Sexual bodywork helps release these blockages, allows the energy to flow, to move.
Then we can include other aspects of healing and growth.
But if we leave the body out, we’re doing less than half a job.
The body shows us where the blockages and obstacles are.
It give us an entry point to heal.
And shows what changes.
We’re giving the mind a new reality, a new way of looking at things, we’re enlarging the field of possibilities.
Which allows for new and different ways of being and experiencing.
We work on patterns, that’s how we function.
We remember things that we’ve done before, the situations we’re in.
As soon as we’re in a situation we’ve been in before, emotionally or physically, the body kicks the pattern in.
From a sexual point of view, a s soon as the possibility of sex is there, or you’re touched in a certain way or get into a particular position, the pattern and response is activated.
Only through the body can we change this, give new options, new possibilities, enlarge the messages getting through, alter the perspective.
An example of this, something that’s an issue for many women, is the inability to have internal orgasms.
The blockage very often comes in the tissue of the G-spot being either numb, tender or even painful.
This comes from past negative or painful sexual experiences, guilt about pleasure, about your body, about your genitals, about sex, the shame and embarrassment that generations have foisted upon us. From the times when we’re really young and touch our genitals in a natural way that it’s not ok, it’s dirty, horrible, unacceptable. From the time when we’re told that out bodies are not beautiful and need to be covered up. From the time we’re told what good girls should and shouldn’t do. From the ugliness that surrounds our sexual power. From the myths that we grow up with.
All of these conspire to sit somewhere in the body, more often than not in the tissue in the yoni that should be alive, awake and beautifully sensitive.
An effective shift in this, as well as so many other sexual issues that impact on men and women, can only be brought about with bodywork.
This is challenging, yes it is.
But with love, with safety, with honouring and respect, in a sacred and conscious space, so much can be different for so many people.
We can all have the pleasure we’d like, the pleasure we deserve. We can be free of the past that prevents us feeling, experiencing and living the beauty that we are.