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13 Orgasms

February 24, 2013 in Sexual Health and Education

Anne-Marie writes:

In a talk recently on conscious sexuality, I shared with the group that I personally have identified 12 separate, identifiable orgasmic experiences in my body.

My orgasmic background until the age of 38 was incredibly limited. As I have shared my story with many woman that walk through our doors at Tantra Evolution, I have noticed the parallels that have emerged, patterns that run throughout our lives, not just sexually, in every arena from relationships to parenting to career choices.

My partner Jonti, once said in a workshop that the way we are sexually is the way we are in our entire lives.

At the time I disagreed vehemently.

Until I really, really thought about it.

And the pieces fitted. I had faked orgasm with everyone until I was 38 years old, keeping other people’s egos and pride happy, suppressing my own real pleasure response. I had only experienced clitoral orgasm through toys, shower heads and extremes of temperature.

I had no idea how powerful my sexual response could be, how much pleasure I was truly capable of.

Then I looked at my life.

I had done exactly the same thing. In my career I had made many decisions that involved avoiding anger, having the response that served another’s expectation, not my desire.

 

And I could have been with the most skilled lover in the world and still done exactly the same things, because it was all I knew.

 

In childhood, many of us learn how to survive. Those patterns are the ones that are so deep that we often cannot even recognize them until they come into awareness.

 

I learned that people liked you more if you gave them what they wanted.

I learned that men liked you a lot if you fulfilled their fantasies.

I learned there was less pressure at work if you hid the fact that you were really talented, never out shining anyone around you.

 

And I learned to say yes and suppress.

 

The way I was sexually, was my core patterning.

 

I had to repattern my responses to begin not just manifesting more orgasms, more pleasure, but to free myself from the belief system I had used to survive.

 

Sexual energy was my key to awareness.

 

This is the energy we use in our healing work, combined with what we term as “The Heart Touch”.

 

So much of what we do is about healing. 

 

Yet the really exciting work is what happens after that, when people realize its about their entire lives, the patterns that are limiting them, the choices they make that are not about serving their passion, their highest excitement, with awareness and love.

 

That’s what happened for me. I had my first real orgasm with myself, for myself, by myself.

 

A creative flood ensued, and a move into the field of what Jonti and I have termed “Conscious Sexuality”

 

Have I changed sexually? Yes. As I was listing the 12 orgasms I had a huge realization.

There were now 13. My pleasure possibilities with my sexual energy repatterning had gone beyond! 

 

I’m talking about energy not just having sex.

 

Energy that can be tapped into, meditated into, breathed into, made love into, written into..

So many expressions of creativity and sexual energy.

 

I have learned to say “No” authentically. To say “No” for me. To say “No” to things that at that moment are not ok for me. I say this with a beating heart, often huge fear, and amazing relief that the world doesn’t actually implode!

 

The beautiful repatterning is that

when I say “Yes” now, I mean it, body, mind and soul.

 

My life is orgasmic. My life has gone beyond 12 orgasms

 

And it all started with 1 orgasm….

 

 

We wish you so much pleasure

Jonti & Anne-Marie

 

Workshops & Events

Johannesburg

 

Booking is essential for all workshops, contact Jonti :083 743 5129 or jontisearll@mweb.co.za

 

A SPECIAL EVENING of EXPLORING SEXUALITY with Jonti and Lara, Thurs 28 Feb, 7:30 pm, Pharaohs Fantasy Club

 

Being a Sexual Goddess (Women Only)

This is a talk on how opening up your sexuality and sexual skills as a woman can benefit you, how to use toys more pleasurably, some skills to take home to try out on your partner….

Sat 2 March  R150 per woman

 

Cape Town

 

We’ll be in Cape Town for SEXPO, 7-9 March at the Convention Centre. We’re giving talks every day as well as Massage Demonstrations.

We will have DVD’s for sale, come and say hi at our stand.

 

The week after SEXPO we’ll be offering a series of workshops and experiences in Cape Town

Places are limited, there are discounts for booking for more than 1 workshop.

The workshops will be in Wynberg.

 

Mon 11th March: An Introduction to Conscious Sexuality, 7pm, R350/person.

Tues 12th: Expanded Orgasm, 7pm, R350/person.

Wed 13th: The Art of Sex, Everything You Wanted to Ask But Never Did, 7pm, R350/person.

Thurs 14th: Holding Space, 7pm, R350/person.

Sat 16th: Sensual Massage, 12pm, R2000/couple.

Sacred Sexual Massage, 6pm, R800/couple.

 

www.tantraevolution.com

www.tantraevolution.wordpress.com

(note ADULT content on following site)

www.sensualmassagetantraevolution.tumblr.com

 

Why vibrators can short circuit your pleasure process

February 18, 2013 in Sexual Health and Education

Why vibrators short circuit your power as a woman.

 

As Tantric therapists and practitioners, the two main sexual issues Annie hears from women are “Without a vibrator, there’s no real guarantee of pleasure for me” and “He doesn’t know how to touch me”

 

We have come to understand, as a generalization these are two important reasons that women become less interested in having sex.

 

As with most things in life, if there’s nothing really in it for you, eventually the desire will fade, sex becomes a chore, something for his pleasure.

 

When this happens, women fall into the sexual patterning of only making love/having sex when they are:

A: Really loving, craving intimacy

B: Really aroused.

Also, seeing as how a women can have a “knee jerk/starburst” orgasm from a good vibrator pretty much anytime they like (providing the kids are occupied, they can find a private space, and have a little time) for a lot of women, there’s even less reason to actually have sex unless A or B or both are in place!!

 

This is the reality of sex for most women in long term relationships

 

The other reality is, although most women are loathe to admit this to their partners, at some point or another most women will fake orgasm in order not to hurt their partners feelings.

 

The reasons for this?

Firstly, at some points in their hormonal cycle women just can’t “get there”, they can get close, they can be in an expanded state of pleasure, but for some reasons, within their bodies, chemically, energetically, they can’t reach clitoral orgasm.

 

What most men do not know is that most woman are actually quite fine with this.

 

If women feel pleasured and intimate and loving, orgasm is not all that important, it’s an added highlight, not a goal.

 

This is such an important statement, as it goes against everything men are “taught” about being good lovers, by society.

Men are under the illusion that if their partners don’t have an orgasm, they haven’t done it right! This is SO deeply ingrained into our sexual culture, reinforced with pornography (where women have “orgasms” in all of 30 seconds) by mainstream media, with the headlines “Give her the best Orgasm!” “How to get your partner to have Multiple Orgasms!” “How to give her a G-Spot Orgasm”

 

And beyond that, the general societal consensus that a good lover always pleasures his woman to an orgasm first, before having an orgasm himself.

 

This puts huge pressure on women to have an orgasm, instead of relaxing and enjoying the pleasure space of making love/having sex.

 

So, with all this pressure for men to know enough to give you an orgasm, and women to be having these huge orgasmic experiences, what happens to the orgasm?

 

Some of the time, the orgasmic response in women will disappear.

 

Not completely, but if as a women you are receiving the same technique, in exactly the same way every time you have sex, the orgasmic response is bound to not happen from time to time.

 

And if there’s pressure for you to have an orgasm before he feels like it’s ok have sex with you, the orgasmic response sometimes moves even further away

 

And then, frustration.

 

This is where the issue is with vibrators, for often the only real guarantee of orgasm comes from using them, for in a sense they can “force” orgasm.

 

This is where the danger point is, the short circuit.

 

Your body then re-patterns to expect only quick, very contractive orgasm, and after a while, this becomes the only orgasm method your body recognizes.

 

Now, don’t for one minute think we advocate a vibrator-less life.

Absolutely not!

Yet if the only sexual pleasure/orgasm you are receiving as a woman is through the use of a vibrator, you are short – circuiting your pleasure response.

 

Why?

 

Firstly, the female body is capable and equipped for having at least 6 different types of physical orgasm, Clitoral, G-Spot, A-Spot, Ejaculatory, Expanded and Blended.

 

So, with 6 different types of physical orgasm to start with, the question is, how short-circuited is the pleasure response when you are only having one orgasm, the limited, contractive type?

 

For as you know, as a women, with a vibrator, there comes a point when your body is done, finished, it’s had enough orgasms.

 

Secondly, the vibrator orgasmic response can be VERY, VERY FAST. There will be times that this is exactly what your body needs and craves, but if this is the only orgasmic response you are having, anything that takes a little more time is lost, the clitoris becomes desensitized and used to very intense vibration, the body  becomes addicted to the chemical rush released with this quick orgasm.

 

All orgasms are not created equal.

 

This does not mean that one is better than the other, just that if you are not having all of the orgasmic and pleasure response available to you as a woman you are short – circuiting your body, physically, hormonally, sensually…

 

You are feeding an appetite in your body as quickly as possible to feel satisfied.

And you are missing out on so much pleasure that your body is capable of.

 

Women have 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone. That’s not including the rest of the vagina, not including the A-Spot, the G-Spot, clitoral branch nerves…

 

Tantric practices involve the recycling of energy in the body, without expending it everytime. When this technique is taught to men, when a man learns to have a full orgasm without ejaculating, it changes his life, because it changes his understanding of pleasure orgasmic space versus contractive orgasm.

 

They are not mutually exclusive, yet pleasure can be extended, re – energizing the body, not expending it.

 

It’s the same for women

 

When it becomes about pleasure, extended pleasure, expanded pleasure, sensual energy flooding your body, a whole lot changes within your bodies’ energy patterning. Your body is re- energized, energy can flow…

 

You are tapping into your full potential energetically as a human being equipped with sexual energy.

 

Here’s the catch.

The re – patterning of your bodies’ sexual response takes a little time, a little learning, and a commitment to pleasure.

(Involved in that is a simple technique to use a vibrator that can extend a vibrator orgasm into 5 or 6 times as long….)

 

Here’s the good news about the catch

You can learn these techniques on your own, or with a partner. So, whether you are in a relationship or not, this increase in pleasure is easily learned, with a little commitment and practise, all 6 orgasms can be experienced by a woman…

 

We wish you SO much pleasure

Jonti & Anne-Marie

 

JO’BURG WORKSHOPS

 

THE ART of SEX, Tues 19 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.

 

 

SENSUAL MASSAGE, SACRED SEXUAL MASSAGE, Sat 23 Feb, 11 am, couples only.

 

HOLDING SPACE, Tues 26 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.

 



A SPECIAL EVENING of EXPLORING SEXUALITY with Jonti and Lara, Thurs 28 Feb, 7:30 pm, Pharaohs Fantasy Club

 

Being a Sexual Goddess (Women Only)

This is a talk on how opening up your sexuality and sexual skills as a woman can benefit you, how to use toys more pleasurably, some skills to take home to try out on your partner….

Sat 2 March  R150 per woman

 

Cape Town

 

We’ll be in Cape Town for SEXPO, 7-9 March at the Convention Centre. We’re giving talks every day as well as Massage Demonstrations.

We will have DVD’s for sale, come and say hi at our stand.

 

The week after SEXPO we’ll be offering a series of workshops and experiences in Cape Town

Places are limited, there are discounts for booking for more than 1 workshop.

The workshops will be in Wynberg.

 

Mon 11th March: An Introduction to Conscious Sexuality, 7pm, R350/person.

Tues 12th: Expanded Orgasm, 7pm, R350/person.

Wed 13th: The Art of Sex, Everything You Wanted to Ask But Never Did, 7pm, R350/person.

Thurs 14th: Holding Space, 7pm, R350/person.

Sat 16th: Sensual Massage, 12pm, R2000/couple.

Sacred Sexual Massage, 6pm, R800/couple.

 

Our friend Karen, at NakedCherry has a fantastic opportunity for you to join their small friendly and growing team. They are looking for a highly professional therapist who has a passion for waxing, but is also willing to hire the right personality and train them from scratch .Your personality and attitude towards your work is of the utmost importance to us.   Think you have what she is looking for, please email her your CV & Cover letter to karen@nakedcherry.co.za

 

www.tantraevolution.com

www.tantraevolution.wordpress.com

(note ADULT content on following site)

www.sensualmassagetantraevolution.tumblr.com

 

Fixing A Relationship

February 8, 2013 in Sexual Health and Education

Fixing a Relationship
I had an interesting thought recently.
You can’t fix a relationship.
You can change something in yourself.
You can become aware of your patterns, the things you do.
You can become aware of the impact of what you do.
You can become conscious of how you communicate, how you perceive things, the beliefs you hold and how they manifest.
Without this, all that we do in a relationship will not change.
We’ll keep bringing the same patterns to our space.
We may learn new things.
But we’ll go back to what we know, it’s like a default setting.
And we don’t have much choice in it.
The only thing we can do, the only way we can change anything in a relationship, the only way we can ‘fix’ anything, is to move something within ourselves.
This puts a very different perspective on relationships.
And it no longer makes it about ‘what they do’.
Obviously there are 2 people in a relationship.
And this perspective means taking responsibility for ourselves.
My relationship is my responsibility.
If I don’t heal my stuff, look at my patterns, words and actions, I can’t bring anything different to the space and what’s between us.
Therefore there can’t be a change.
The expectation that many people have is that something external can heal their relationship.
And, in truth, most people looking for healing are looking for some magic formula that’s going to do it for them, wave the wand, abracadabra, it’s done.
And much out there in the world promises that.
Some of it even delivers.
For a short time.
It can’t do anything else.
And we go back to where we were.
We have to.
But when something within us shifts, when we heal, when we release, when we become more aware of who we are, of what we do, of why, when our consciousness expands.
Then we change.
Then, and only then, what’s between us, can change.
I am my relationship.
I am my life.
I make choices from where I am, from what I know.
As I know more, my relationship can expand.
My life can expand.
This is a conscious choice.
And it’s not an easy choice.
It’s not rainbows and white doves.
It takes us into the depths of ourselves, who we are, what we’ve done, what we do.
And who we can be, what we can do.
It can take us to a space of incredible knowing.
It can take us to a space of deep sharing and communication.
It can take us to a space of exposed vulnerability, in a way that is powerful rather than weak.
It can take us beyond the veils of illusion to a space of greater truth.
It can take us to space of growing congruity between our inner and outer worlds.
It can take us to a space where our relationships, and by extension, our lives, are an endless journey, an adventure worthy of the power and strength of the highest we are.
And it can take us to a space of unfolding possibility, beyond what we can see now, beyond what we can conceive, to magnificence, to a knowing of love with a capital L.
Which is so far from what we thought it was…
CAPE TOWN
The sharing in Cape Town this week has been so deep, so exciting.
The Holding Space Experience, wow, beyond words.
We are so looking forward to Tantric Sensual Massage tomorrow. There are still places available for this journey into Conscious Sensual Touch. We have developed a way of touching as an expression of how you feel, going beyond technique into a space of sensation, feeling and pleasure that expands, grows, deepens…
This is followed by The Sacred Sexual Massage, an experience of such power. It includes Quiet Yoni and Lingam, finding the G-Spot, deep stimulation for higher states of pleasure and more.
We will be back in Cape Town for SEXPO, 7-9 March, with a full week of workshops the following week.
JO’BURG WORKSHOPS
THE ART of SEX, Tues 19 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.
SENSUAL MASSAGE, SACRED SEXUAL MASSAGE, Sat 23 Feb, 11 am, couples only.

HOLDING SPACE, Tues 26 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.

A SPECIAL EVENING of EXPLORING SEXUALITY with Jonti and Lara, Thurs 28 Feb, 7:30 pm, Pharaohs Fantasy Club

We wish you so much pleasure
Jonti & Anne-Marie

www.tantraevolution.com
www.tantraevolution.wordpress.com
(note ADULT content on following site)
www.sensualmassagetantraevolution.tumblr.com

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