Why vibrators can short circuit your pleasure process
February 18, 2013 in Sexual Health and Education
Why vibrators short circuit your power as a woman.
As Tantric therapists and practitioners, the two main sexual issues Annie hears from women are “Without a vibrator, there’s no real guarantee of pleasure for me” and “He doesn’t know how to touch me”
We have come to understand, as a generalization these are two important reasons that women become less interested in having sex.
As with most things in life, if there’s nothing really in it for you, eventually the desire will fade, sex becomes a chore, something for his pleasure.
When this happens, women fall into the sexual patterning of only making love/having sex when they are:
A: Really loving, craving intimacy
B: Really aroused.
Also, seeing as how a women can have a “knee jerk/starburst” orgasm from a good vibrator pretty much anytime they like (providing the kids are occupied, they can find a private space, and have a little time) for a lot of women, there’s even less reason to actually have sex unless A or B or both are in place!!
This is the reality of sex for most women in long term relationships
The other reality is, although most women are loathe to admit this to their partners, at some point or another most women will fake orgasm in order not to hurt their partners feelings.
The reasons for this?
Firstly, at some points in their hormonal cycle women just can’t “get there”, they can get close, they can be in an expanded state of pleasure, but for some reasons, within their bodies, chemically, energetically, they can’t reach clitoral orgasm.
What most men do not know is that most woman are actually quite fine with this.
If women feel pleasured and intimate and loving, orgasm is not all that important, it’s an added highlight, not a goal.
This is such an important statement, as it goes against everything men are “taught” about being good lovers, by society.
Men are under the illusion that if their partners don’t have an orgasm, they haven’t done it right! This is SO deeply ingrained into our sexual culture, reinforced with pornography (where women have “orgasms” in all of 30 seconds) by mainstream media, with the headlines “Give her the best Orgasm!” “How to get your partner to have Multiple Orgasms!” “How to give her a G-Spot Orgasm”
And beyond that, the general societal consensus that a good lover always pleasures his woman to an orgasm first, before having an orgasm himself.
This puts huge pressure on women to have an orgasm, instead of relaxing and enjoying the pleasure space of making love/having sex.
So, with all this pressure for men to know enough to give you an orgasm, and women to be having these huge orgasmic experiences, what happens to the orgasm?
Some of the time, the orgasmic response in women will disappear.
Not completely, but if as a women you are receiving the same technique, in exactly the same way every time you have sex, the orgasmic response is bound to not happen from time to time.
And if there’s pressure for you to have an orgasm before he feels like it’s ok have sex with you, the orgasmic response sometimes moves even further away
And then, frustration.
This is where the issue is with vibrators, for often the only real guarantee of orgasm comes from using them, for in a sense they can “force” orgasm.
This is where the danger point is, the short circuit.
Your body then re-patterns to expect only quick, very contractive orgasm, and after a while, this becomes the only orgasm method your body recognizes.
Now, don’t for one minute think we advocate a vibrator-less life.
Yet if the only sexual pleasure/orgasm you are receiving as a woman is through the use of a vibrator, you are short – circuiting your pleasure response.
Firstly, the female body is capable and equipped for having at least 6 different types of physical orgasm, Clitoral, G-Spot, A-Spot, Ejaculatory, Expanded and Blended.
So, with 6 different types of physical orgasm to start with, the question is, how short-circuited is the pleasure response when you are only having one orgasm, the limited, contractive type?
For as you know, as a women, with a vibrator, there comes a point when your body is done, finished, it’s had enough orgasms.
Secondly, the vibrator orgasmic response can be VERY, VERY FAST. There will be times that this is exactly what your body needs and craves, but if this is the only orgasmic response you are having, anything that takes a little more time is lost, the clitoris becomes desensitized and used to very intense vibration, the body becomes addicted to the chemical rush released with this quick orgasm.
All orgasms are not created equal.
This does not mean that one is better than the other, just that if you are not having all of the orgasmic and pleasure response available to you as a woman you are short – circuiting your body, physically, hormonally, sensually…
You are feeding an appetite in your body as quickly as possible to feel satisfied.
And you are missing out on so much pleasure that your body is capable of.
Women have 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris alone. That’s not including the rest of the vagina, not including the A-Spot, the G-Spot, clitoral branch nerves…
Tantric practices involve the recycling of energy in the body, without expending it everytime. When this technique is taught to men, when a man learns to have a full orgasm without ejaculating, it changes his life, because it changes his understanding of pleasure orgasmic space versus contractive orgasm.
They are not mutually exclusive, yet pleasure can be extended, re – energizing the body, not expending it.
It’s the same for women
When it becomes about pleasure, extended pleasure, expanded pleasure, sensual energy flooding your body, a whole lot changes within your bodies’ energy patterning. Your body is re- energized, energy can flow…
You are tapping into your full potential energetically as a human being equipped with sexual energy.
Here’s the catch.
The re – patterning of your bodies’ sexual response takes a little time, a little learning, and a commitment to pleasure.
(Involved in that is a simple technique to use a vibrator that can extend a vibrator orgasm into 5 or 6 times as long….)
Here’s the good news about the catch
You can learn these techniques on your own, or with a partner. So, whether you are in a relationship or not, this increase in pleasure is easily learned, with a little commitment and practise, all 6 orgasms can be experienced by a woman…
We wish you SO much pleasure
Jonti & Anne-Marie
THE ART of SEX, Tues 19 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.
SENSUAL MASSAGE, SACRED SEXUAL MASSAGE, Sat 23 Feb, 11 am, couples only.
HOLDING SPACE, Tues 26 Feb, 7pm, singles and couples, R350/person.
A SPECIAL EVENING of EXPLORING SEXUALITY with Jonti and Lara, Thurs 28 Feb, 7:30 pm, Pharaohs Fantasy Club
Being a Sexual Goddess (Women Only)
This is a talk on how opening up your sexuality and sexual skills as a woman can benefit you, how to use toys more pleasurably, some skills to take home to try out on your partner….
Sat 2 March R150 per woman
We’ll be in Cape Town for SEXPO, 7-9 March at the Convention Centre. We’re giving talks every day as well as Massage Demonstrations.
We will have DVD’s for sale, come and say hi at our stand.
The week after SEXPO we’ll be offering a series of workshops and experiences in Cape Town
Places are limited, there are discounts for booking for more than 1 workshop.
The workshops will be in Wynberg.
Mon 11th March: An Introduction to Conscious Sexuality, 7pm, R350/person.
Tues 12th: Expanded Orgasm, 7pm, R350/person.
Wed 13th: The Art of Sex, Everything You Wanted to Ask But Never Did, 7pm, R350/person.
Thurs 14th: Holding Space, 7pm, R350/person.
Sat 16th: Sensual Massage, 12pm, R2000/couple.
Sacred Sexual Massage, 6pm, R800/couple.
Our friend Karen, at NakedCherry has a fantastic opportunity for you to join their small friendly and growing team. They are looking for a highly professional therapist who has a passion for waxing, but is also willing to hire the right personality and train them from scratch .Your personality and attitude towards your work is of the utmost importance to us. Think you have what she is looking for, please email her your CV & Cover letter to firstname.lastname@example.org
(note ADULT content on following site)